Diet goals and food journal for 13th October

Okay, if I want to be honest, I won’t be able to do a strict diet. So I (okay, we) decided to go with an acceptable level of restrictions.

My diet rules:

  • avoid dairy products (no, lactose-free dairy products or adding lactose enzyme is not acceptable)
  • avoid wheat (gluten-free is not necessary, but many gluten-free products with wheat protein are not okay)
  • decrease animal products (3-4 times a week is acceptable but the more plant-based the better)
  • avoid low-quality sausages (like today’s breakfast and dinner :S), when I eat cold cuts, it should be high-quality ham or English bacon, or bacon once in a while
  • decrease sugar
  • at least 70% complex carbs, maximum 30% simple carbs (yes, I really should start cooking and baking…)

Breakfast

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diet compliant? NO (wheat in roll)

symptoms: nothing

Lunch

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diet compliant? YES (except for the chocolate but I have eaten it several times without problems)

symptoms: bloating a few hours later – I realised that I had problems with paprika and some spices of the vegetable mix. I couldn’t digest it, I could feel the taste of the vegetable mix hours after the meal. I shouldn’t eat this kind of mix. I had uncomfortable feelings after lunch so I didn’t have an afternoon snack which is unusual from me.

Dinner

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diet compliant? NO (wheat in bread)

symptoms: nothing

Snack: one table spoon of peanut butter in the morning as morning snack and the same after dinner

 

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I totally freaked out

I’m still struggling with my will-power, big time, we are working on this with my therapist and from time to time (about every second day) I freak out that I’m weak, I cannot follow the diet and start hating myself for my weakness. I really want to get better and I don’t know why, but I cannot change. I don’t understand myself. Every day is a bit better then  suddenly I “binge” with the forbidden food. Not a huge amount, the problem is not with the calories or anything like that but with the quantity. Why should I torture myself with wheat products? With dairy stuff? Why? Laziness? Weakness? Do I choose the easiest way? Is it just because I’m disorganised and cannot plan my meals, my breaks when I can prepare food. I’m always in a hurry, I want to do everything quickly and proper eating needs time. And I often find myself eating stupid – but quick – unhealthy stuff.

I freaked out on Monday again. I asked for help in a facebook group. I didn’t even know what to ask, what I expect from them, I just shouted that I need help. I don’t even know why… but nowadays I feel that there are many things that I cannot do alone, I need someone’s help. For many years I was the exact opposite, I was too independent, too stupid to ask for help, very stubborn and I wanted to do everything alone. And now? I can’t do anything alone. I’m waiting for other’s help. Nutritionist, doctors’ diagnosis, friends’ support, cooking tips, everything…

I cannot do the transition from semi-unhealthy semi-meat-eater to a healthy, plant-based and gluten-free diet.

I fear the change. That’s my realisation. Fuck.

I had this freaking-out session on Monday, too.

I didn’t have questions but I got answers 🙂 I got some tips, I read some encouraging thoughts and… and even there were some half sentences that made me think.

If you can afford, go to VeganLove and get yourself a mexican burger to celebrate the change. 

I realised that one of my biggest problems is that I look at this change as a burden, as a new source of stress, although I should celebrate the change. I should celebrate the possibility for a change. That this change can bring me health, better skin and paipain freeys. It’s a new adventure, a starting point of a holiday 😀

I don’t consider “food” anything that is not vegan AND gluten-free so I don’t really have temptations.

I wish I could do this. This would make my life much-much easier 😀 I wish I could hipnotise myself to unsee the food that is forbidden for me 🙂

For me, the transition to be gluten-free vegan wasn’t very difficult because I was heading out of  a serious depression when I became vegan.

Oh, I should focus on this. Now, I have serious health issues, I’m not depressed but I have huge work-related problems, it’s some kind of existential crisis for me, I’m overstressed and burnout at the same time. I need a change (but I fear the change at the same time) and I should really focus on what I can get rid of if I change my diet. If I do my diet properly.

(the answer to my question what can we eat when we our out, in a rush and no perfect shop is available)

I usually buy some gluten-free cereal bars in the nearest organic food shop, dried fruits and nuts.

I decided to test all the gluten-free cereal bars that are available. I don’t think I will find too many perfect choices because I should be sugarfree, too, but at least it’s a good task for me and while I’m testing, I get so busy that I don’t have time to worry about what to eat.

I hope my tomorrow is better than these past few days.

I hope.

I know.

I wish I could get rid of my eating disorder (becasuse it’s a disorder, I harm myself on purpose and lack will-power) and stop punishing myself with unhealthy food choices because my entrepreneurship sucks at the moment. I have been work-related problems and whenever I have a minor stress here, I compensate with eating. I should  stop this. I need to stop this. I will stop this.

Diet motivation – wheat allergy

I’m not going well with my diet. At all. I have eliminated the dairy products, that’s a good thing but the other part of the diet is difficult. Mentally mostly. I don’t know why but I’m hurting myself with my unhealthy food choices. The instant symptoms started to fade but I still have to deal with long-term consequences. I should avoid gluten to ensure my guts are okay, I should avoid sugar, gluten, and milk to support the cure of insulin resistance and I should avoid wheat (because I have intolerance towards this, hence it’s a stress for me and hinders my healing with insulin resistance and fibroids), dairy products (intolerance, too), sugar and meat because of my fibroids. Oh, and of course, I should avoid gluten and dairy products because of my low thyroid levels.

And what have I done in the last few weeks? I eliminated dairy products 90% and with the 10% I added lactase pills to kill the strong symptoms and sat back. Yes, my stomach ache and bloating are not constant but it’s still there every second day. And have I changed anything? No. I’m just sitting and waiting for the miracle. Okay, my workouts are better, I did yoga or pilates every day but I did not do any improvements with my food choices.

However, one of my friends have health issues too and she sent me a link (because of her problem) that showed a new (okay, for me it was new) approach about gluten intolerance and wheat allergy. And it was an epiphany. My gluten “inspired” symptoms are not only the bloating and my not-healing-from-fribrods&insulinresistance but others, too.

General wheat allergy symptoms (note, that I have already had a blood test that showed my intolerance towards wheat but I’m just a stupid girl and totally ignored when I didn’t have any bloating):

  • hives or skin rash
  • dry skin (yes)
  • nausea (yes)
  • stomach cramps (yes)
  • indigestion (yes)
  • diarrhea
  • sneezing
  • headaches (yes, not everyday, but most often than my usual once-a-year frequency)
  • swelling, itching or irritation of the mouth or throat

And according to that new link:

  • exercise-induced anaphylaxis
  • bleeding of mucous

“Some people with a wheat allergy develop symptoms only if they exercise within a few hours after eating wheat. Exercise-induced changes in your body either trigger an allergic reaction or worsen an immune system response to a wheat protein.”

Symptoms of non-celiac gluten sensitivity:

  • mental fatigue (known as “brain fog”) (yes)
  • fatigue (yes)
  • gas, bloating, and abdominal pain (yes, yes, yes)
  • headache (yes)

And I had an epiphany. I often have nausea and I usually blame my insulin resistance for that. In the past few months (roughly the same period since I have serious stomach probmems and extreme bloating), I often have bleeding mucous. And I have dry skin. No matter how much I drink, how natural skin products I use, my skin is dry (okay, this may be caused by city centre smog because my skin is much better when I spend some time at my parents’). And most importantly, for a few months, I started to have serious bloating and stomach pain during my Pilates workouts. First, I thought it’s because the time between my meal and the workout is too short. Then I thought my breathing is not proper. Then I didn’t know what to think. But I usually eat something easily digestible before my workouts and these small meals usually contain gluten and wheat. So, maybe my stomach ache is so strong because it’s “exercise-induced”. Shit.

I was so stupid.

So blind.

I know, it shouldn’t be fresh news but most of my struggles are because of my diet. The ones that I would have never guessed that are because of that, too.

I will take my diet seriously. I swear.

This week was much better than last week, my workouts were okay, I did yoga, Pilates, spine caring workouts, mentally I’m much better. Next week will be about food changes.

This week I had better days with my diet than for example two weeks ago but I need much-much more improvement. I think, I really need a meal plan. Because that’s where I fail, I don’t plan my meals so I can eat only things I find at home or in the near takeaway food place.

Not good.

Not good at all.

This week I will plan next week’s menu.

My biggest achievements this week was that I found a new vegan whatever that I can put on my sandwiches. It’s quite expensive but tasty, I don’t regret buying it but honestly, it won’t be the main ingridient of my diet 😀

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yes, my dinner looks like two weird penises

Today I feel like shit

Yesterday was a terrible day, I felt like screaming, stomping like an angry toddler or crying. Without any reason. Nothing bad happened, I had a stressless day, it was a quite easy day at work, but this feeling was killing me. And it’s not even PMS time. And I usually don’t have PMS like this. I didn’t understand what I felt and why I felt. Anyway, yesterday was shit as hell but I was proud of myself because I didn’t cheat on my food (except for the breakfast but it’s not a real cheating because I ate some bread but without the allergens), but I had a serious bloating in the afternoon. And in the evening. Like a 6-month-pregnant type of bloating. I don’t understand this shit that is happening to me.

Anyway, I tried my home remedies (yoga-style moves, self-massage, homeopathic pills) but nothing helped. However, I was confident that the morning would bring some relief. How wrong I was 😦

I woke up with a huge bloating. And I don’t even know why. That’s what buggers me the most. Anyway, today I have a lazy morning so I decided to start implementing the macrobiotic suggestions to my life and start a day with a soup. No cereals, no sandwiches, no omelette (okay, I hate omelette, but it’s a typical breakfast here), no oatmeals, but some warm soup.

Not perfectly macrobiotic because I used the vegetables I found in my freezer and the vegetable mix contains some veggies I should avoid according to the macrobiotic diet. But it’s vegan, it’s a soup, it’s warm.

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Finally, I made a proper portion of soup! I always end up useless amount of leftover that I usually throw away after it turns sour in the fridge, bloeee. So, it’s something 🙂

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